A Blog...

what's in a blog?

"TJ you should Blog, I need something to read."

"TJ you haven't updated in a while, what's up with that?"

What do you want me to talk about? I don't really do anything and I've really got nothing to update. I sit around and dodge phone calls so I don't have to tell people what a lame ass I've become; that I just sit around and have gotten addicted to General Hospital and Oprah like a single mother on welfare. Far from the TJ I once was.

Mostly, because my energy level is in the dumps and my desire to plan anything in my life farther than 2 weeks in advance. Ya see, my doctor, while being an incredibly nice woman, is highly unpredictable and unreliable. I can't really rely on my chemo schedule because there is none. I call her office the Friday before I go in to remind her nurses to schedule my chemo for the following monday. I get the response "Oh, we didn't know you were supposed to go in on Monday."

"I know." I answer. They probably don't even know I'm fucking still alive.

I feel like I've let everyone down since I've let go the "go getter attitude" that I came back with from Indiana. But, it's been met with such adversity with my mentality for this town that I have just sort of let it go. Plus I'm just so fucking tired these days. I'm just not sure how much more I can take of this....

My Doctor fucked up my entire summer when she delayed my chemo for a week back in early May. All of my plans have gone to shit: Arizona, Taste of Chicago, Weddings, even Cedar Point. I've tried to make up for it by visiting friends out of state... but I still didn't see Sammy and I still didn't get to go to Chicago like I had been planning since winter. Now Summer has about a month left and I just want to put on my wool coat again and brave the nasty cold because it means this fucked up summer has ended and is behind me. How lame is that?

hmph.... So since I didn't go on the trips I wanted to go on... and set aside some cash for... I dipped into my travel fund and splurged on myself. I bought a new camera: The Nikon D60. It's the same one Ashton has on all of the commercials. I did a lot of research before I bought it and it's Nikon's premier entry-level D-SLR which is exactly what I need. It's supposedly an easy tranistion from point and shoot to SLR and I must say it's exactly that. You have to discipline yourself to change settings often for the best shot and stay away from the AUTO modes (because essentially you are wasting your money if you keep it in AUTO). I'm pleased with this camera but know I'll outgrow it before too long, there are already some features I want that it doesn't offer like more auto focus point and a bracketing tool. But I think for at least the next few months this camera will suffice. Maybe I'll get around to selling my magic cards to finance my next camera.

So far it's been too damn hot out to go take any pictures and no one wants to be my model. So, I've taken a lot of pictures of Kitty. She's a camera whore for sure. Also, I've taken many pictures of my hand and foot and other dumb stuff getting a feel for the auto focus and aperture settings; just getting a feel for the ol' girl. It's a really nice camera. Jason went a bit farther than me and dropped a couple G's on the Nikon D300: Nikon's highest rated camera with the DX sensor. Let me tell you, it's intense. First of all it's a freaking beast. Weighing in at like 2.5 lbs. with the lens on. And secondly it's all manual, basically. Jason got a DVD with it that's so jam packed with instructions that I'd be so intimidated, I'd just send it all back. But, Jason is starting off at a different level than me because he shot with a Film SLR for years and knows the technical aspect of it, just has to learn the Digital. I think after a few months, maybe a year I'll be comfortable moving up to a machine that in-depth.

So, naturally, I get that feeling that I want to be a photographer but have no idea where to start. I need a mentor more than anything, but who will mentor me, for free at least? My friend's dad was a professional photographer for years, but I think he's out of the biz now. Do I contact local photographers? I just don't know, all I know is that I need to get out there and take some pictures.

I got rid of that precious iPhone. I decided that since I wasn't getting the new 3G iPhone that I didn't want to rock the old iPhone like some sort of loser. The iPhone is something of a status symbol, and I feel like if you don't keep up with the trend you just look like a D-Bag. The one reason I even got one in the first place was so I could be an elitist with my little device and have something no one could have unless they wanted to spend the money for the toy. Now that the BETTER one is $199, I just felt like I'd look like a dumbass toting around my $600, obsolete iPhone that can't even do everything the one that costs two-thirds less. So last month I "upgraded" my phone, as AT&T likes to put it, to the Palm Centro. You know the phone, it's all over the TV. I got it for $50 after my upgrade discounts and rebates, plus my plan changed from an iPhone account to an unlimited plan for, get this, $40 cheaper a month.

I think I got the deal. I don't drop calls and I'm not bleeding cash out of my ass every month for a phone that drops calls and freezes up like Window 4.1.