New Month; New Post; Nothing New

September 9th, 2008 .... I've got the itch again. The itch of getting away for a couple of days. But where, and with who? Everyone has schedules...and lives. I'm notorious for my remarks of "I love to travel alone." or "I'd take a vacation by myself." In reality, I'd just get there and text Jason, Erin, Amanda, anyone who'd answer really. What does that say? It says I'm full of shit.... probably.

Wish List:

I wish I had hair.
I wish my body would go back to normal, and by normal I mean more muscle and less fat.
I wish that chemo would fuck off and die. As much as I enjoy the morphine, I'd be much happier without it.
I wish that I would actually go somewhere and use the camera instead of just taking pictures of the cat all day long.
I wish my Doctor would provide me with more information than "cut down your carbs" when I see her.
I wish people would stop telling me that they would do anything for me, just ask. The one thing I want... no one can do.
I wish I had better things to blog about so you weren't so bored to tears to read this mess.

Amanda gave me a framed picture of us yesterday and it made me smile. It was a picture taken last summer when my hair was just growing back and after I quit Cedar Point. I know this because I had my chester-molester facial hair growth. What was great, was that I was actually smiling. Not my usual "Stick my thumb up and show my teeth" pose, but an actual smile. That was when we thought good news was ahead. I was going to Columbus to find out what the next step in treatment was, and how I was going to get better....................hear we are.... one year later......

Jason is moving to Detroit. That's cool. I envy anyone that can move out of their town these days seeing as how I'm shackled to Akron for existence. My Hell, or Heaven, will be in this town I'm sure. Eternity probably has a sense of humor too, just like my life. Mocking me anyway it can... all the time...

My depression about Cedar Point has lifted. Everyone thought I was down on life about this Cancer business, but really if I was giong to be a mess about cancer, that would have started last year. Cancer wasn't the problem. My problem was that Cedar Point ended for me, which for me meant that everything that I had built for myself in the last 2 years had ended and coming back to Akron, living with mom, no future ahead..... just seemed like I've been rewound back to 2002 when life was fun, but not what I want anymore.

Yeah yeah yeah...it'll get better TJ. Weather the storm so you can see the sun. All of that horseshit..... but when did the storm really start? and does it ever really end? I think Life is a series of hurricanes: when we think we see sunshine it's really just the eye, because there's more storm coming right after it; Repeat.